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What Jennifer came to realize was that she liked to have control when dating and in relationships, and so, too, it seemed did the men whom she’d been involved with in the past. Our desires can drive us at every age if we let them.
It was no wonder she demonized her exes—she didn’t perceive any harmony or balance when it came to dating. When you flip it over, there will be one word on the back. The benefit of being guided by desire at forty, as opposed to twenty, is that you have more freedom, plus the wisdom of twenty more years of life to accompany you.
Below, her refreshing perspective and advice for all ages on figuring out what it is you’re really looking for when you’re dating.
There are now so many more people delaying marriage and family, but it can be hard to find them. Teens may not always seem interested in what their parents are doing but when it comes to dating and love, they are watching every move.
No matter your age, the way to connect with a man in the “I think you’re hot and would be interested in going out with you” way is to flirt.
It’s as true online as in person; flirtation isn’t about being a tease, it’s about showing your interest and curiosity… Is it attracting the interest of couch potatoes, the chronically ill or the guys just looking for a little action? I did it for about 30 years and I experienced all the hurt, confusion, frustration, hopelessness, boredom, and exhaustion that comes with it.
Another benefit of dating at forty is that you have the confidence that comes with experience. For many of my single clients, examining and re-setting their fears and intentions around dating helps them to find enjoyment in it that they might not have felt before. I sometimes use word association techniques with clients to bring awareness to the role that perception plays in their dating life—it illuminates how vital it is to check in with yourself.
I see a difference in how women in their forties walk into a room, the way they can make heads turn and pulses race. What we project and how we attract others has everything to with what’s buried beneath, whether curiosity or fear. Coral, forty-two, explained that dating had left her feeling abandoned.
She’s a writer and editor who’s been published in The Washington Post, Oprah’s O Magazine, and Marie Claire.